the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize