im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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