He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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