Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
