Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
