Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
