Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
