WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
