dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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