I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
