Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I cannot find my penis.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
