You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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