he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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