My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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