i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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