you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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