She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
