Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize