Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
