This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
MIDGETS
????
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
