P.S. I can't hear my feet
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
