so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I just went to clothing optional bar
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
