I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She even gives head with a lisp.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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