the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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