period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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