Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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