New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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