I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
