we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize