So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm always down for nudity.
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