thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
