But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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