So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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