dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We left the knife in your bed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
