Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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