you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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