Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
