Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
