dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
