ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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