Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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