he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
