You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize