You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize