i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
