At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
