why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
