I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
