before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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