omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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