I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
