i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
