you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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