what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
