I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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