I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm always down for nudity.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
