Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hippo gnu deer
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
