I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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