Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm always down for nudity.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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