i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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