Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
