Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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