She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
