just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There are leaves in my underwear?
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