So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
