just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
