***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize