If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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