I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
