Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
