A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
