He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
