Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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