Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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