I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize