the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
